Drill press chuck key

Back in 93 I moved to Arizona from California.  Some where after that I realized I could not find my chuck key.  Not having time for much woodworking anymore It wasn't a huge priority.  I tried ordering a few that looked right from MSC but even the closest would just barely work.  Those who know me know that I like to keep things organized and keeping the wrenches that fit a tool next to that tool rather than in a toolbox somewhere is part of that organization.  I have been known to buy extra wrenches so each machine has it's own set.  The most logical place I thought I would have put the wrench for moving was the drawer with the drill bits in it like I did for the portable drills.  Recently I had need for the drill press and fought with almost correct one I had.  After that I pondered a bit about where an organized person might have put the chuck key for travel.  It finally dawned on me to open the belt housing at the top and sure enough it was there.  I was lucky it had not caught in the belts and it had stayed there as the cover had gotten damaged in the move and was open part of the trip.

A (cork)screw loose

I have 2 or more of just about every thing small in my kitchen; spoons, spatulas, whisks, knives, etc.. Never thought about the wine bottle opener. As you can see I was presented with a bit of a challenge recently. I managed to get the broken screw out with a pair of pliers and found a multi purpose knife with a corkscrew to open the bottle with. If you have never used a pocket knife corkscrew before I can assure you it is not a pleasant experience.






I now have two corkscrews. Surprisingly I have found I prefer the folding bartender model over the two handled one. Of course a Rabbit would be cool but it costs too much and takes up more space.

Take my butt to jail

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of
the Virginia/West Virginia line. When the trooper asked the driver why he
was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his
way to Beckley WV to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be
late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the
driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a
ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't
have anything to juggle.

The State trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could
juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit
them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.. A
drunken good old boy from West Virginia got out, watched the performance,
then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The
trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door
asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there
ain't no way I can pass that test."

Crabs

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs
and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.. He
advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them
staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was
lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let
them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce
to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New
Orleans , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.


Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folks think .

'Smart' student

This I found randomly searching blogs.

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late.
Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A 'smart' student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

25 signs you are all grown up now

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Making love in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those **** kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you